Wednesday, October 27, 2010

In the Laboratory

Here's a little fellow who seems to belong to a genus of critters that I'm beginning to think of as "Advanced Stick Figures."  Since he has a labcoat and a clipboard, he must be a scientist.  Television has taught me that.  

Since we're (or rather I'm - you may be thinking about something entirely unrelated at the moment) on the subject of scientists, I'll take this opportunity to repost my rules for safe and proper laboratory behavior:
  • It doesn't go in your mouth.
  • It doesn't belong in your ear.
  • Don't stick it up your nose.
  • Don't get it in your eyes. 
  • Don't drop it on the floor. 
  • Don't touch it if it's on fire. 
  • If it smells bad, it's probably bad for you. 
  • If it smells good, it's probably worse. 
  • If you can't smell it at all . . . well, it's been nice knowin' ya. 
  • If it can be pointed, be careful where you point it. 
  • Just because the radiation won't kill you now is no excuse. 
  • Read the label first. 
  • If it ain't broke, don't break it. 
  • If two substances are in separate containers, there's probably a good reason for it. 
  • If it kills other living things, there's a chance it's not good for you either. 
  • If metal dissolved in it, odds are your fingers won't fare much better. 
  • An experiment that causes physical pain is a poorly designed experiment. 
  • If you didn't do control experiments, you didn't do any experiments. Start over. 
  • A result you don't like is still a result. 
  • If it didn't work the first time, repeat the experiment. 
  • If it did work the first time, repeat the experiment. 
  • That which does not kill you . . . usually hurts like hell anyway. 
  • Learn to cope with frustration. 
  • Lightning may not strike the same spot twice, but just about everything else will (corollary: if it exploded last time, it's likely to explode this time too).